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December Salon

Jan 15, 2002

BECOMING YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR, Part 2

The secret of being your own spiritual director is to be fearless about where you draw your inspiration from. Most spiritual traditions today insist that you follow one path, and there's nothing wrong with that if that path happens to be the one that works best for you, meets all your needs, and draws you along toward divine union. But the lesson of spirituality throughout the 20th century can be found in the way we've suddenly become aware of the riches available from all the different traditions. Some religious authorities put this down and call it "smorgasbord religion." They are almost always people with a vested interest in one of the institutional forms of religion who don't want us to do any comparison shopping. But a good spiritual director has to be flexible and be able to apply the best spiritual medicine in a given situation. If you learn a helpful prayer or mantra or meditation practice, why should you be concerned whether it comes from a Christian tradition or from Orthodox Judaism, Zen Buddhism, or Sufism?

ONE STEP AT A TIME

Steps Two and Three can be combined without any alteration at all: "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." A simpler way of restating those two steps could be, "Let go and let God." A.A. is careful never to define God or the Higher Power in a way that would exclude anyone's personal conception. Members are free to call it God, Goddess, Buddha Nature, Yahweh, Allah, Brahman, or the Tao, it makes no difference. This process, one booklet says, is "like opening a door that is still locked." This parallels the awakening stage of the spiritual process. Until you decide to set out on the path, the journey can't begin.

IS ANYTHING LACKING?

So we ought to learn from their wisdom. As your own spiritual director, ask whether you're getting ahead of yourself. Are you afraid you won't have enough money, or time, or energy to do something tomorrow, even though you're perfectly capable of getting through today without worrying about it? Is your energy still being drawn into the past, where something that happened years back is still haunting you? Some centuries ago there was a Japanese Zen master who used to hold up one finger and ask his students, "What, in this moment, is lacking?" Ask yourself that right now. Are you dreading something that may come in the future, worrying about how you'll make ends meet, or what you'll do if the terrorists strike again? Then ask yourself if any of that is happening right now. There's nothing wrong with planning for the future, taking action in the present to provide yourself or your family with a continuing source of income and security. But WORRYING about the future and losing yourself in what the old Chinese sages called "the ten thousand things" is counterproductive.

YOU AND THE WORLD

The next two steps are concerned with personal relations, specifically with recalling those people you've harmed in the past and deciding to make amends to them. This can be a tricky area that needs careful consideration. It's easy to fall into self-pity and self-recrimination at one end of the emotional spectrum, or to become reckless and decide, for instance, that now's the time to confess to your spouse about that affair you had 12 years ago. The idea here is to harm no one while clearing negative energy and psychic weight from your past. This is where it's so important to remain aware moment by moment. Am I clearing my conscience, or just causing others pain by revealing something they didn't need to know or weren't ready to hear?

HOMEWORK

I said at the beginning that the Twelve Steps can be a valuable spiritual practice, one especially suited to helping you become your own spiritual director, even if you're not an alcoholic. I also mentioned that lots of other groups use the steps to recover from a whole range of addictive behaviors, from drug abuse to compulsive sexual activity. But we all engage in addictive behaviors of one sort or another, often unconsciously, that aren't so easily categorized. For some of us it may be working compulsively, or exercising for hours a day. For others it can be watching endless hours of TV news or sports, shopping, playing video games, or surfing the Net. If you look within, you'll instinctively know the difference between a passionate avocation and destructive behavior. If you spend all your spare time reading Russian history or listening to Vivaldi, but you're still able to pay your bills and take care of your family obligations, then those are probably constructive, energizing passions rather than addictions. If you're doing something obsessively and it's draining all your money, or causing conflict with your spouse or children because you're never there for them, then it may well be an addiction and you'd better address it.

To register for the On Line Salon

It is Finally Here!
We have added the Sacred Contracts Section to Myss.com. Enjoy!

Caroline "Live" on her TV Show The Journey With Caroline Myss
Oxygen TV Network
Journey With Caroline Myss
Saturdays at 10 am ET/PT
Sundays at 7:30 pm ET/PT
Show debuts Saturday, January 12. 2002